if i could turn back time.......i would.
a good day to me is one where i avoid static shock, how about you?
Name: i may fall, but its only on my face and not for you
i miss happier days
visited *loading* times
kid number 2 on the way........
abstinence (sp?) is not so overrated
condom+birth control=almost no chance of that. guess that leaves a what? .000000000000001% chance
fucking super sperm, never shoulda gone to see superman lol.
leave it to country music to bring back those old memories.
Fin'lly got over that song of ours; stopped chasin' little red sports cars,
To check the license plates an' back wood drivin' by your place.
Back makin' the rounds at our old haunts: Honky Tonks, restaurants.
An' seein' some of our old friends: it feels good to dance again.
An' I can fin'lly smell your perfume an' not look around the room for you.
An' I can walk right by your picture in a frame an' not feel a thing.
But when I hear your name,
I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
An' it's the fifth of May, an' I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
An' nothin's changed, an' we're still same.
An' I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss,
An' I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips:
An' that's all it takes, an' I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.
Got someone special in my life: everyone thinks she'd make a great wife.
Dad says he thinks she's the one: reminds him of Mom when she was young,
But it's way too soon to be talkin 'bout rings; don't wanna rush into anything.
She's getting over someone too, kinda like me an' you.
An' she talks about him every once in a while, an' I just nod my head an' smile,
'Cause I know exactly what she's goin' through: yeah, I've been there too.
An' when the conversation turns to you,
I get caught in a "you were the only one for me",
Kinda thought, an' your face is all that I see.
I know I can't go back when I still go back.
An' there we are, a point down by the riverside,
An' I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time,
An' that's all it takes, an' I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.
So I'm thinkin' 'bout the words I left unsaid.
(Every time I hear your name.)
Stop tryin' the change the things I can't change.
(Every time I hear your name.)
In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head,
I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
An' it's the fifth of May, an' I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
That's all it takes, an' I'm in that place.
An' there we are, a point down by the riverside,
An' I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time.
An' I can't explain, but I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.
Every time I hear your name.
(Every time I hear your name.)
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
(Every time I hear your name.)
Ah ah.
Every time I hear your name.
pretty much fuck.
yay for writing letters the intended will never read.
(spoken) i cant deal with this im out/
as soon as i leave the house you text me/
told you i had stuff to do/
your tellin me you already miss me/
i feel trapped, your drivin me crazy/
dont you see this is slavery/
you think if im not with you/
im against you/
what do i have to do to get through to you/
since day one youve done this/
and at this point i regret the first kiss/
you give me grief with no relief/
im at the point where i want to leave/
dont you see/
you try so hard, but your driving me out of my mind/
im trying not to look back/
i dont want to see the tears i cause bc im headin for the happines i lack/
as soon as i get home its 20 questions/
where ya been/
and who with/
its not your buisness/
im livin my life/
live yours/
just be here to help me and support/
thats what your here for/
i have no room to breathe/
i hate all the girls botherin me/
sayin your no good for me/
they'd be good to me/
and it kills me/
cuz i know its true/
this should be about trust/
but dont tell me you love me after only three months/
ive been in love only once/
its not with you, it messed me up/
but honestly with you, i dont think i can fall in love/
and ya i have a baby/
but dont tell me you want to have one with me/
im not ready/
and i wont be, for a long time/
years have to go by for another/
by that i mean at least three/
im only 21 dont even mention us gettin married/
when you do im screaming in my head, your crazy/
your just addin on the stress/
makin my patience a mess/
if you really trust me this is pittiful/
always questionin my where abouts/
its so trivial/
its pathetic when you whine on the phone/
bc you cant go one day alone/
im sorry i cant make it to your home/
im so sick of arguing on the phone/
this close to closing you off and askin to be left alone/
this close to closin the door wavin good by and sayin so long/
bc id be happier on my own/
i love music, but at times hate it to.
always reminds me of crap, happy times, times so diff from now.
oh well cant always be happy.
cloudy today, when is it not?
blah, off to do whatever.
buh bye.
sometimes you just feel down, like crap.
and you just sit back and need to tell the truth about things in the past that you lied to yourself about.
im no good with explanations in writing, so i put them into lyrical form. it makes it a little narrow but oh well.
anything in ( ) is screamed
now sometimes/
it comes down to/
needing to dictate/
your life and concentrate/
i dont know how i should feel/
when all the lies/
seemed so real/
can you see this/
the scars i wear on my wrists/
is it what you wanted/
my hearts the mark you never missed/
can you feel this/
the scars i wear on my wrists/
she's what i always wanted/
i shot and i missed/
ive tried so hard to understand/
why you left/
my broken heart/
couldnt figure out where to start/
and you crossed me off your list/
i was so confused, my head was a mess/
and at times i wonder if it still is/
i think about when you held me tightly/
i wish you still would/
i wont forget you/
even when/
we're not together/
i wrote the beggining/
you wrote the ending/
can you see this/
the scars i wear on my wrists/
(is it what you wanted/)
my hearts the mark you never missed/
can you feel this/
the scars i wear on my wrists/
(she's what i always wanted/)
i shot and i missed/
sometimes i feel ashamed/
that i loved a girl so much/
every look, every touch/
(but she didnt feel the same/)
how did we make it so far, going different ways/
i swore you were the girl i loved in my dreams/
but i figured out the problem/
i just forgot to dream you'd feel the same about me/
(i never changed)
(i loved you so much it drove me insane)
(hurt to know you said it)
(when you only thought you loved me to)
can you see this/
the scars i wear on my wrists/
(is it what you wanted/)
my hearts the mark you never missed/
can you feel this/
the scars i wear on my wrists/
(she's what i always wanted/)
i shot and i missed/
oh i shot and i missed/
today was pretty crappy, slept most of it away, then my uncle was being a dick head (what else is new?) work was boring and 6 hours seemed liek forever. then walking home at 4am some guy stopped me pulled out a fucking boyscout knife and told me he wanted my wallet......wtf? first rule of mugging someone would be to make sure you dont make them laugh at the puny piece of shit weapon you pull on them, rule number two, make sure the person your mugging doesnt have a huge fucking box cutter on them.
long story short i looked at him funny and he told me he'd stab me if i didnt, so i pulled my box cutter out of the carrier on my hip and told him i was pretty sure mine was bigger, (lol the blade is about 2 inches fully extended) and then i told him id had a bad day, id just got off work and i wanted to go sleep, and if he didnt let me i had no problem giving him a new hole in his face to eat out of. thats about the time he closed it put it in his pocket and ran away across the park and ride parking lot, so i called the police and reported it, couldnt really tell what he looked like but he looked like a bum so i told them that. then i went home.
heard a cop car go by right after i walked in the door, so idk. dont really care. i think the guy would have been more scared had he known i really would have had no problem stabbing him. i have no sympathy for people like that and i wouldnt have had any remorse afterword either. thats the kinda person i am.
people always say it's never a good thing to think about things in the past.
i agree.
especially when you find out later on about things and realize it wasnt as you thought.
ignorance is bliss.
and it really was.
but finding out later you lived in a lie......
wasted your time........
it hurts.
and then you wish youd never known the truth.
wish you could only remember the lie.
i have to live every day of my life with skeletons in my closet.
knowing things i wish i didnt.
knowing ive done things i wish i hadnt.
i wish id never met her, and her, and her, her and her, or her either.
i hate having them on my mind.
knowing then i shouldnt, but couldnt help it.
and my reason for slipping? letting go of my own morals?
b/c the bliss of my own ignorance was taken away.......
and i couldnt handle the truth.
the truth that i had been blind.
people shake their heads when someone like me says they dont mind physical pain.
but if they delt with some things like i have, and other people have, they'd know the physical pain blocks out the emotional pain.
the gut wrenching, heart throbbing, brain pounding emotional pain.
it a proven fact that when you experience this kind of emotional pain, that a shock of physical pain can block it, your brain blocks out all the other pain.
and you feel better.
it may sound stupid but its true.
i dont cut my wrists or try and kill myself, im not like that
but i dont mind getting hurt physically honestly.
b/c when i do, all the other pain just goes away.
*sigh*
i must sound like a lunatic
oh well.
we dance these circles/
we never want to miss a step/
when you hit their toes/
you carry on and pretend/
that you really didnt know/
how do you move on/
when your dance is over/
theres always the akward lookaround/
when you hear the sound/
and know that the song is ending/
i remember times when/
a song ending/
wasnt effective/
cuz the one i shared the dance with/
i'd hold and dance still/
even after the end/
its not the case at hand/
i was asked to the floor/
and at first i thought i was sure/
but as this song has played on/
ive realized, that i really dont want it to go on/
and now i feel like this song is too long/
its dragging on/
i dont know when its gonna end/
i remember times when/
a song ending/
wasnt effective/
cuz the one i shared the dance with/
i'd hold and dance still/
even after the end/
i held her close/
i was never gonna let go/
but no matter what you do/
every song draws to a close/
it's not that i havnt moved on/
im just remanising/
back to when/
i danced to a song/
that played on a better note/
when i was held close/
its not the case at hand/
i was asked to the floor/
and at first i thought i was sure/
but as this song has played on/
ive realized, that i really dont want it to go on/
and now i feel like this song is too long/
its dragging on/
i dont know when its gonna end/
mesmorized resounds in my head/
when will a song like that play for me again?/
i just want a dance like that again...../
ah......... the joy of angry music. i love it so. *sigh*
sometimes i wonder why i try so hard.
with relationships.
with friends.
if i had to break it down there are only a few things that really matter to me.
Ryan.
air.
food (tho not really)
water.
thats about it.
my g/f is driving me fucking insane.
anyone that knows the me of present day would know that when i have a problem i wont hesistate to take it to the person i have it with.
unless.....
that person happens to be the one im dating.
i dont know how to break up with someone.
id rather suffer than hurt anyone else.
gah. fuck fuck fuck me fuck you. why do things have to be difficult?
pisses me off.
is it sad that i started here at motime to rant about things i cant on my myspace blog?
the thing i cant figure out about this whole bullshit thing called dating is this-
why is it that when i really really like the person they always break up with me?
but when i get into it and the person is ok, but not completely what i want they are always really into me? then they end up annoying me.
on another note....
i have no feeling in my left hand's middle finger
hurt it at work, it got infected, they cut it out, it was gross/cool.
but now i have no feeling in it, and i cant bend the knuckle closest to the tip of it either. i kinda have a permanent fuck you going on haha!
"im outside of your window/
with my radio/
you are the only station/
you play the song i know/
(you are the song i know)"
i kinda hate my life thats going no where.
im a bad kid, did something bad, g/f wouldnt be happy, she's mean, blah
what do you do when your with somebody but someone from your past that you had started to fall in love with comes back into your life?
im so lost right now, and have no idea what to do........anyone have advice?
