if i could turn back time.......i would.

a good day to me is one where i avoid static shock, how about you?

 

so usually i never just write, i express myself through my song lyrics, but today i decided to grace the world with my words in a non lyrical form.

i was mulling things over in my head today, just about things in the past and such.

and i realized ive lost some people along the way in life.

some were once held dear to me and by their choice shoved me away.

others i kinda lost sight of.

im going to go through and list some of these people.

 

Ron-we kinda lost touch after high school, i miss you man, i can honestly say you were one of my really good friends, cant say best since you had rory, lol

Rory-again one of my really good friends, thank god for myspace or we might never talk.

Robbie-well i miss you to dude, even tho you never like me much for dating your sister.

Laura-where to start, so much was lost between us.  we dated long ago, but its been over two years now, and i still remember the promise you havnt
kept, you told me we would stay in touch and stay friends, what happened to that?  i know for some reason or another you dont want to talk to me
or associate with me, maybe i bring back bad memories.....i only remember good ones but oh well.  after losing you i was crushed, but i got over it.
but then when you broke your friendship promise i felt like i had lost my best friend.  why cant we just be freakin friends? lol

jackie-we never talked much in high school, but now we talk a lot on aim....weird, but im glad we do, im glad i can be your ear to listen to everything you need to get out while ranting.  its rather entertaining.

kim-well we all know why i dont talk to you.....your just a stupid bitch marrying some 35 year old wrinkly man hahaha.

these are the ones i can think of off the top of my head,  some i miss...... others im indifferent about. 

 

on to other things,

its rather cloudy today, but what else can you expect in nov in oregon, all i have to say is this *raises middle finger to the sky*

heres another song for your enjoyment

"the hearts voice"

i walk the road/
trying hard to look alive/
when really im just dead inside/
my hearts filled with holes/
i hide it well so no one knows/
ive passed on drugs/
ive fell in love/
im so tired of getting fucked up/
i try so hard/
(will my emotions hold)
as i face this world/
(alone)

at this point i wander aimlessly/
looking for a new road/
that possibly/
could have something new for me/
seems pointless now/
that realy no matter how/
hard i try/
i just cant get this down right/
too many times/
ive let go, let my emotions flow/
my heart punches me repeatedly/
gave it away/
wish it hadnt turned out this way/
it hurts so bad inside of me/
sometimes i wish id just stayed/
on the ground/
seems pointless to pick myself up/
when i only get knocked back down/
too bad you fucked my trust/
i felt more than lust/
my mistake/
that i let go, i let you take/
the best of me/
(and now i cant let go)

maybe someday ill realize i should quit/
when i never really feel like more than shit/
but i hold on tightly/
(let go)
i just want to mean something/
(to you)
doesnt that count for anything/

i hate the love, the pain/
times just never change/
made my mistakes/
when i tried to hold her closer/
then i was left behind in a shellshock/
my heart cries out/
it's voice only heard in the teardrops/
(the love the hate)
never cease to try and make my heart stop/
(the love the pain)
wish it would stop/
as my heart cries out/
it's voice only heard in the teardrops/

 

copyright ©2004 John Lee Hughes

posted by: heartofstone at 22:40 | link | comments (3) |

I wish I could have quit you. I wish I never missed you, And i almost told you that I loved you,
 overdosed on you, didnt quite kill me but it's ok. dont you see?
every time I fucked you.
just added one more "i love you",
The future that we both drew,
and all the shit we've been through.
Obssed with the thought of you,
the pain just grew and grew!
How could you do this to me?
nothing was ever enough and the world is what I gave to you.
I used to be love struck,
now I'm just a dumb fuck
now pull my sleeves up
arnt they pretty, the designs of each cut
you stupid slut, my eyes are shut,
the blade on my skin,
the shine, the hue,
dark blue,  a crimson stream releases me
are you glad for what youve done to me?

(Chorus)
we , lost it all, fell today,your just all the same
I'm sorry oh
am I sorry no
ive been abused, because of you, I feel so used,
I'm sorry oh
am I sorry no

I think i almost loved you, you made me, hate me.
You gave me, this hate, see?
somehow,  It saved me but these tears kill me, they're deadly.
You hear that? I take a rip back, head tilted back
everytime you tried to steal that.
You feel bad? you feel sad? Im sorry?
hell no, fuck that!
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, but it was your knife,
that left this white, blood striped
my heart dies, this life and these lies.
And these lungs have sung this song for too long,
I hurt too, remember I almost loved you!

(Chorus)

now, as we go down,
my heart, just hears the same sound,
your words, are useless,
nothing more, nothing less.
im a mess,
im on the brink, my heart sinks
the more it thinks, and doesnt know what to do,
to this day i still almost love you.

(chorus)

youve been gone/
for so long/
ive heard stories of you/
no i wont defend you/
you threw your stupid fits/
about love lost you'll never find the one/
your just a stupid bitch/
i was right here/
but you ran back to him/
hope he hits you again/
open your fuckin eyes and you'll see/
everything you wanted was right here in me/
but its just too bad/
i have to say so sad/

dont worry i dont feel sad/
i know your kind/
you hold hands/
kiss and fuck guys/
then lie to your friends/
is it worth the pain/
of a friendship lost/
just b/c you had the urge to get off/
ran back to him to get fucked/
this is me and i hate you/
so go to hell and fuck off/
and if he hurts you then all i can say is fuck you/

im sorry oh/
am i sorry no/
ive, been abused, because of you, I feel so used,

i, hope he's worth the time/
you werent worth mine/
i thought we could be friends/
but you never meant to make amends/
while your california bound/
i hope pains what youve found/
said you hated him/
said he was no good/
said he hurt you time and time again/
then why are you running down to him/
i hope he hits you again/
maybe then/ you'll realize/
im better than him/
but until then/
just remember this...../

I think i almost loved you, you made me, hate me.
You gave me, this hate, see?
somehow,  It saved me but these tears kill me, they're deadly.
You hear that? I take a rip back, head tilted back
everytime you tried to steal that.
You feel bad? you feel sad? Im sorry?
hell no, fuck that!
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, but it was your knife,
that left this white, blood striped
my heart dies, this life and these lies.
And these lungs have sung this song for too long,
I hurt too, remember I almost loved you!

posted by: heartofstone at 17:38 | link | comments (2) |