if i could turn back time.......i would.

a good day to me is one where i avoid static shock, how about you?

 

people always say it's never a good thing to think about things in the past.

i agree.

especially when you find out later on about things and realize it wasnt as you thought.

ignorance is bliss.
and it really was.
but finding out later you lived in a lie......
wasted your time........
it hurts.
and then you wish youd never known the truth.
wish you could only remember the lie.

i have to live every day of my life with skeletons in my closet.
knowing things i wish i didnt.
knowing ive done things i wish i hadnt.

i wish id never met her, and her, and her, her and her, or her either.
i hate having them on my mind.
knowing then i shouldnt, but couldnt help it.
and my reason for slipping? letting go of my own morals?
b/c the bliss of my own ignorance was taken away.......
and i couldnt handle the truth.
the truth that i had been blind.

people shake their heads when someone like me says they dont mind physical pain.
but if they delt with some things like i have, and other people have, they'd know the physical pain blocks out the emotional pain.
the gut wrenching, heart throbbing, brain pounding emotional pain.
it a proven fact that when you experience this kind of emotional pain, that a shock of physical pain can block it, your brain blocks out all the other pain.
and you feel better.

it may sound stupid but its true. 

i dont cut my wrists or try and kill myself, im not like that
but i dont mind getting hurt physically honestly.
b/c when i do, all the other pain just goes away.

*sigh*
i must sound like a lunatic
oh well.

posted by: heartofstone at 11:52 | link | comments |

we dance these circles/
we never want to miss a step/
when you hit their toes/
you carry on and pretend/
that you really didnt know/

how do you move on/
when your dance is over/
theres always the akward lookaround/
when you hear the sound/
and know that the song is ending/

i remember times when/
a song ending/
wasnt effective/
cuz the one i shared the dance with/
i'd hold and dance still/
even after the end/

its not the case at hand/
i was asked to the floor/
and at first i thought i was sure/
but as this song has played on/
ive realized, that i really dont want it to go on/
and now i feel like this song is too long/
its dragging on/
i dont know when its gonna end/

i remember times when/
a song ending/
wasnt effective/
cuz the one i shared the dance with/
i'd hold and dance still/
even after the end/

i held her close/
i was never gonna let go/
but no matter what you do/
every song draws to a close/
it's not that i havnt moved on/
im just remanising/
back to when/
i danced to a song/
that played on a better note/
when i was held close/

its not the case at hand/
i was asked to the floor/
and at first i thought i was sure/
but as this song has played on/
ive realized, that i really dont want it to go on/
and now i feel like this song is too long/
its dragging on/
i dont know when its gonna end/

mesmorized resounds in my head/
when will a song like that play for me again?/
i just want a dance like that again...../

 

posted by: heartofstone at 10:56 | link | comments |

ah......... the joy of angry music.  i love it so.  *sigh* 

sometimes i wonder why i try so hard.
with relationships.
with friends.

if i had to break it down there are only a few things that really matter to me.
Ryan.
air.
food (tho not really)
water.
thats about it.

my g/f is driving me fucking insane.
anyone that knows the me of present day would know that when i have a problem i wont hesistate to take it to the person i have it with.
unless.....
that person happens to be the one im dating.

i dont know how to break up with someone.
id rather suffer than hurt anyone else.
gah.  fuck fuck fuck me fuck you.  why do things have to be difficult?
pisses me off.

is it sad that i started here at motime to rant about things i cant on my myspace blog?

the thing i cant figure out about this whole bullshit thing called dating is this-
why is it that when i really really like the person they always break up with me?
but when i get into it and the person is ok, but not completely what i want they are always really into me? then they end up annoying me.

on another note....
i have no feeling in my left hand's middle finger
hurt it at work, it got infected, they cut it out, it was gross/cool.
but now i have no feeling in it, and i cant bend the knuckle closest to the tip of it either. i kinda have a permanent fuck you going on haha!

"im outside of your window/
with my radio/
you are the only station/
you play the song i know/
(you are the song i know)"

i kinda hate my life thats going no where.

posted by: heartofstone at 22:30 | link | comments (1) |