if i could turn back time.......i would.

a good day to me is one where i avoid static shock, how about you?

 

people always say it's never a good thing to think about things in the past.

i agree.

especially when you find out later on about things and realize it wasnt as you thought.

ignorance is bliss.
and it really was.
but finding out later you lived in a lie......
wasted your time........
it hurts.
and then you wish youd never known the truth.
wish you could only remember the lie.

i have to live every day of my life with skeletons in my closet.
knowing things i wish i didnt.
knowing ive done things i wish i hadnt.

i wish id never met her, and her, and her, her and her, or her either.
i hate having them on my mind.
knowing then i shouldnt, but couldnt help it.
and my reason for slipping? letting go of my own morals?
b/c the bliss of my own ignorance was taken away.......
and i couldnt handle the truth.
the truth that i had been blind.

people shake their heads when someone like me says they dont mind physical pain.
but if they delt with some things like i have, and other people have, they'd know the physical pain blocks out the emotional pain.
the gut wrenching, heart throbbing, brain pounding emotional pain.
it a proven fact that when you experience this kind of emotional pain, that a shock of physical pain can block it, your brain blocks out all the other pain.
and you feel better.

it may sound stupid but its true. 

i dont cut my wrists or try and kill myself, im not like that
but i dont mind getting hurt physically honestly.
b/c when i do, all the other pain just goes away.

*sigh*
i must sound like a lunatic
oh well.

posted by: heartofstone at 11:52 | link | comments |